So you think you want a French house?
The truth about house hunting in France, plus a recipe for a slow-cooked lamb feast.
I wonder if youâre planning on a French holiday this year? If you are, perhaps youâll do what I always used to do before I lived here, which is, spend a lot of time gazing in estate agentsâ windows and wondering, âWhat if?â. (My husband insists one of the best things about living here now is that I no longer contrive to make any walk go past every single estate agent in town.)
When I speak to many British visitors about their fantasy property shopping habit, the first thing many say is âIsnât it amazing what you can get for your money?â Well, yes and no.
Farrow & Ball even do a shade called French Grey, the likes of which I have never seen in the wild.
Sometimes our English friends and acquaintances admire our house and suggest how lucky we must have been to land such a bargain. I smile, slightly through gritted teeth, head non-committedly on one side, and silently remind myself itâs vulgar to talk about money with anyone who isnât your bank manager or your accountant. I belong to a Facebook group for people who live in old houses and am constantly surprised by how frequently other members ask, âHow much was it?â as though a house is a new dress or a pair of jeans. If the person declines to answer, itâs not beyond some helpful souls to do an image search and pull up the full estate agent details from the most recent sale for all to enjoy. Perhaps such sharing is normal in America. Iâm afraid it gives me the full Cousin Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham face.
Houses in busy villages, with views of the water, and possessing lots of character â even with travaux Ă prĂŠvoir, works required, come at a premium. Of course the prices arenât the same as London or Paris, but they arenât going to make the residents of Brighton or Biarritz faint away in shock at the cheapness either.
In France, as everywhere, thereâs always a reason why places are cheap. That rural idyll youâve set your heart on may include septic tanks, no town gas, limited or no internet, not infrequent power cuts and having to sit on the roof to get a mobile phone signal. Ah, but all that land, right? If youâre used to living in a city where youâve had to scratch your grow-your-own itch with a window box of lettuce, owning your view is certainly seductive. But the land wonât take care of itself and, especially as you get older, it can become a crushing physical and financial burden.
In the countryside and some small towns, public transport is patchy at best, non-existent at worst, so you need a car. Many picturesque French villages have suffered the same fate as their British counterparts. Theyâve been hollowed out by out-of-town shopping centres, so for anything more exotic than a baguette â and sometimes even for that - you may need to get in the car, too. Some places, lively enough during the summer, go into a deep slumber at the end of the season and that restaurant you so loved for your Friday night moules frites may not open again until Easter.
Have I put you off yet? I hope not because French estate agent details are some of the best free entertainment you can get. Comfortingly, they have often been spared the glitz and polish that have transformed British property advertisements this millennium. Rural French interiors are seldom soothingly and stylishly filled with the grey-painted furniture so popular in #FrenchStyle Instagram posts. (Farrow & Ball even do a shade called French Grey, the likes of which I have never seen in the wild.)
Brits keen to buy a place in France are looking for what we call âcharacterâ. We love, almost to the point of fetish, an old, tiled floor, shutters, a quaint kitchen fireplace.
Youâre more likely to find heavy red brick fireplaces installed at some point in the Seventies with Flintstone-esque wooden mantels, floral wallpaper not just covering the walls but creeping onto the ceilings too, perfunctory showers and grey corner baths. When we moved into this house, one of the first things we did was remove an avocado bathroom suite in what was a pantry, thus ensuring no doubt that avocado bathroom suites are about to become the next big thing. Rooms are often crammed with a mish-mash of old, wooden furniture. Beds are lumpily made with heavy eiderdowns and look not only like someone may have died in them, but that that person may still be there. The sole picture in the details of one nearby house was an image of pants drying on a washing line.
And then there are the âmodernisedâ houses. Itâs true that many Brits keen to buy a place in France are looking for what we call âcharacterâ. We love, almost to the point of fetish, an old, tiled floor, shutters, a quaint kitchen fireplace. Well, hold tight property fans, because what youâre likely to find is some delicious old fishermanâs cottage where the old floor is replaced with the cheapest 30cm square white tile from Castorama, the windows are UPCV and the shutters replaced with the dead-eye of electronic metal roller blinds. That quaint kitchen has been refreshed with some glossy red cabinets, and thereâs no need for that scrubbed pine table you picked up at a brocante, because all the floor space is taken up with a kitchen island and chrome bar stools from the land that comfort forgot, probably Ikea.Â
And just in case you do find the house of your dreams in an estate agentâs window or online, itâs highly possible that you canât find where it actually is. âA village with all facilitiesâ, âa pretty hamlet, a short distance fromâŚâ, âIn an area convenient for the schoolsâ, replace not just street names, but the name of the actual place. This is because houses are often represented by multiple agencies and each one wants you to sign up with them before divulging where this house of your dreams might be, so they donât have to share the spoils with others. They also donât want you making a private deal with the seller.
Buying somewhere here is a bigger commitment than in many parts of the United Kingdom. If you buy a place on a whim, do lots of work on it, and then think you can flip it at a profit because the area doesnât quite suit or your circumstances change, you may come a cropper. Property prices are usually worked out per square metre and unless the house is exceptional, or in an exceptional location, the price wonât go up because you spent a fortune on pretty wallpaper or a new kitchen.
And bear in mind when we lose our hearts to a wreck, a fixer upper, a bargain, few of us have the skills to âdo it up on a shoestringâ, however many episodes of Escape to the Château weâve watched. Work costs money, and lots of it. Just as in the United Kingdom, Covid increased the price of materials. Good artisans get booked up well in advance, and are generally worth waiting for. Weâve found the quality of the work on our house to be excellent. Donât be tempted to cut corners. Works on gas and electrics, even having your chimneys swept each year, requires a certificate for your insurance, and you need to keep them for when you might want to sell.
But the heart wants what it wants, doesnât it? I donât regret for a single second embarking on this adventure, and if this summer, you go from looking in estate agentsâ windows to stepping inside their doors, I wish you the very best of luck.
Slow cooked spiced lamb with squash and potatoes
This is a great one-tray dish for feeding a crowd. The lamb is wonderfully tender and fragrant with spices and garlic, and you throw in the vegetables for the last hour or so, so all you have to do is warm up the couscous and youâre ready to serve. I use squash and potatoes here, but you can use other things too. I often use carrots, and in summer add courgettes and tomatoes.
This recipe is inspired by the North African recipe for mechoui, a celebratory lamb dish often served at weddings or other important feasts. Usually, a whole lamb is roasted on a spit or in a fire pit until it is so tender, you can pull it apart with your hands. For our purposes, Iâm sure youâve got a lot on, so Iâm using a lamb leg or shoulder. No digging of fire pits required.
Serves 6-8
100g butter, very soft
6 garlic cloves, halved, any green germ removed, finely minced
2 tbsp dried coriander
2 tbsp dried cumin
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp salt
1 tsp finely ground black pepper
1 leg or shoulder of lamb, about 2.5kg
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