Water, water everywhere, what a lot you drink

Today, important intelligence on when and how to drink water. Plus a simple menu for hot days and a plan of action to get it on the table, no sweat.

Photo courtesy Perrier.com/fr

When I was eight years old, my French teacher, Mrs Snow (Madame la Neige), told us that French people bought water in bottles. She thought it was as important to teach us about French life as it was to teach us the language which would allow us to access it. I adored her. But surely she was wrong? In 1970s County Durham, the idea of buying water in bottles seemed as preposterous as the notion that men might carry handbags.

I was thinking about this yesterday while I was looking at a French travel Facebook group. With the Olympics starting in 54 days, it was filled with people – American, British, Australian – asking the usual questions: can you use your credit card to tap in on the Metro, are tips expected, will I look like a tourist if I wear a beret? (No, not really, yes.) In this hit parade of travel questions, there is another one that always appears: can you drink the tap water?

The answer is yes you can, but do you want to? Our water in Marseillan is so hard, I fear if I drank too much of it I’d get limescale on my eyeballs. A report from 2017 found 50 per cent of French people don’t drink tap water and 80 per cent of them think bottled water is better. No wonder the bottled water industry is worth €2.8 billion a year.

The water aisles in French supermarkets are often the size of many supermarkets all on their own. They’re also invariably very messy, as everything is wrapped in six packs and it’s perfectly acceptable to come and rip into the packs, just taking one or two bottles or however many you want, leaving a sort of day-after-Glastonbury effect in your wake. There are dozens of brands, with Evian and Perrier apparently being the most popular, though Cristaline is the one I see most loaded up into shopping trolleys, probably because it’s the cheapest.

A small corner of the water aisle in our branch of Carrefour.

Then there are the more niche waters, the very mineral-y ones such as St Yorre and Contrex, which are rich in magnesium and calcium and are for some an acquired taste. In my twenties, I had a boyfriend whose mother was francophone Egyptian and an enormous Francophile. She was one of the most charismatic people I’ve ever met and she loved Contrex, so naturally I loved it too. I am very easily lead. Like lots of French or French-leaning women, she believed it was good for weight loss. There truly is a water for everything.

(There was recently a leaked water report, which claimed lots of the most popular mineral waters produced by Nestlé, including Contrex, were contaminated.)

Many French people believe that drinking too much water with food is bad for your digestion. I first came across this belief when I was on my French exchange in a small French town when I was 13. Stéphanie, my exchange’s aunt – very chic, lived in Paris, afraid of no one, your basic nightmare - told me off for drinking too much water at lunch. I have heard this belief repeated so many times in the years since that for the purpose of writing this newsletter, I decided to go to santé.fr, the French government’s health advice website, to see if there is any truth to it. The answer is no, there isn’t. Good luck convincing anyone of that. In my observation, the French are a moderate people and, whatever the science says, glugging huge glasses of water while you eat appears excessive, unrefined, gluttonous. What would maman say?

And then we come to ice. Don’t expect it. Apparently chilled water will also kill you, or at least your equilibrium, as it solidifies any fatty food making it harder to digest. In homes and in restaurants, you won’t be offered ice – even in summer – for water you drink with food. You may be offered ice if you’re just ordering water as a drink, but you may well not. Ask for it. The same goes for slices of lemon, for which you will sometimes pay a little extra on top of the price of the drink. Since January 2022, all restaurants and cafés must give customers free tap water to accompany food if they ask for it.

Unless you’re a child, it’s considered very odd to drink fruit juices or fizzy drinks with your dinner. You may get away with drinking a single Coca Cola with a burger, but be aware they’ll probably think you’ve been watching too many reruns of Friends. Also spare a thought for the poor American visitor who once ordered a glass of milk with his dinner from my friend, a waiter. He is still telling this story possibly ten years after the event. I know. He needs to stay in more.

Photo courtesy evian.com

But what’s this you say? You’re at the home of French friends, probably older French friends, you’ve had a lovely dinner, convivial, charming, and now one of your hosts appears with glasses of orange juice for everyone? This is the politest possible way of telling you you’ve  lingered too long and it is time for you to go home.

A final word on water. You never see people wandering about with huge water bottles or those enormous Stanley cups the size of a bucket. Small flasks or bottles seem to be the only acceptable concession to hydration. I have a neat 500ml flask I bought from the Noilly Prat shop, in their signature dark green, with the motto faҫonné par la mer (shaped by the sea) on the side. I mostly use it for the dogs when we’re on a walk. No ice, no lemon.

My Noilly Prat water bottle, plus a small lemon from our tree.

Watery words:
Eau calcaire hard water
Eau douce soft water
Eau gazeuse/pétillante sparkling water
Eau plate still water
Eau potable drinking water
Eau non potable water unsuitable for drinking
Eau robinet tap water
Perrier/Evian (etc) tranche mineral water with a slice of lemon
Avec des glaҫons with ice
Une carafe d’eau a carafe of water

Salade de truite fumée avec crème au raifort

Smoked trout salad with horseradish cream

This is a great main course salad, but you can serve it in smaller portions as a starter.  If you have radishes with good leaves, add them to the lettuce, but do still use the cos lettuce, little gem or endive because a bit of crunch is good.

Serves 4 as a main course, 6 as a starter